A Tale of Two (Crazy) Cities

So, I had the great pleasure of getting to see my good friend Terra twice in one year! She came to visit with our friend Courtney for a couple of weeks last February/March and she came back through Paris in December on her way back to the US after spending several months in the UK. We were having a little talk about which city had more ‘crazies’ either New York or Paris. New York seemed to be in first place…Terra told me a gem of a story, which happened to her last spring and really seemed to argue in favor or New York. After a very emotionally trying couple of days, Terra found herself feeing very fragile and riding the New York subway. A Puerto Rican man got into the train car and instead of singing or playing an instrument for some spare change he just played a beat up little boom box…which blasted typical (or maybe just stereotypical) Puerto Rican music. Even in the midst of her pain, Terra saw the humor in this and in return for the little boost in her spirits, she dove into her purse and pulled out a big fistful of change. She dropped about $4 worth into his little cup as he passed. He stopped and looked into his cup and when he spotted a penny in the mix he plucked it out and chucked it at Terra’s head screaming, “What the f*** am I gonna do with a penny, b****?!?!?”

Wait, what?! Now that IS crazy!

After hearing that story, I decided that New York pretty much took the cake as far as the crazies were concerned.

Oooppppsss. Not so fast. Paris had a little surprise up her sleeve. Terra, Bruno and I were out to lunch on Saturday when a woman in an oversized puffy white coat came into the restaurant to sit at the table next to ours. Our first ‘clue’ that she was maybe a bit kooky came right off the bat: instead of taking off her coat and sitting down, she asked the waitress to lift her coat off over her head for her. Mmmmm. Okay. Well, maybe her arms were stiff? I tried to let it slide. Bruno headed home before us and Terra and I stayed to finish our coffees and that is when things took a turn for the worse….or the ‘weirder’ in any case. Terra got up to head for the bathroom and as soon as I was alone the woman turned to me…

Woman: I have a strong desire to write. I must write. But I don’t have any paper. Do you have any paper?

Tina: Ummm…I don’t think so. Let me look…

(I start to dig in my bag and in doing so I pull out my agenda/address book)

Woman: NO! NO! Don’t destroy your agenda! Don’t! It’s okay!

(I was never planning on destroying my agenda)

Tina: Sorry. I don’t have any. Maybe you could use the back of your placemat?

(She looks at her paper placemat, turns it over to reveal the blank white backside.)
Woman: THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

At this point Terra came back from the bathroom and I reluctantly went off myself…feeling guilty like I was throwing Terra to the wolves. Terra’s interaction with the women went like this:

The woman gets up to stand in front of our table.
Woman: Can I ask you a personal question about myself?

Terra thinks: Ummm…I don’t really know. Can you?
Terra says: Ummm….Sure!

Woman: I used to weigh 185 pounds and I lost 40 pounds. And I want to know…do I look good to you?

(The woman clearly weighs at least 185 pounds NOW.)

Terra thinks: 185lbs?!?! Yeah right!
Terra says: Ummm…Yeah!

The woman lifts her shirt to expose lots of big fat tummy rolls.
The woman starts to flap and shake said rolls, waving them at Terra.

Woman: How do you call this in English?

Terra thinks: Um…Fat rolls.
Terra says: Ummm…your stomach?

Woman: YES! My stomach. I must lose my stomach so I can look how I did when I was 18.

At this point the woman stopped jiggling her fat and returned to her table, only to pull out her purse full of wares and start trying to sell rings and watches to Terra.

Woman: I’ve got Swatch. Even Rolex. I have a special deal with the designers. I know Dolce and Gabbana.

Tina and Terra think: Um…Sure you do, lady.
Tina and Terra say: No thank you.

Luckily by this point we had our bill and we fled to the bar to pay up and get out of there.

So, Terra and I escaped the crazy fat roll lady but we were left with out lingering question…which city has more crazies? I told the story to my friend Kevin, who has lived in Paris and spent some time in New York…his verdict was that New York has MORE crazies but Paris has BETTER crazies. Well…that just might be the case!



Uh-oh...looks like there is one more 'crazy' to add to the list...