How Many Expats Does It Take to Buy a Light Bulb?

I had a wonderful, wonderful trip home to see my family in Minnesota and to see friends out in California…but it’s great to be back in Paris, too. Paris is an absolutely breathtaking city…and when I first come back after a few weeks away, I notice it even more. I love it here and I love my life…but that is not to stay that there aren’t many little “challenges” that I encounter along the way:

My desk lamp burned out late last night just before bed, which wasn’t much of a bother as I was ready to turn out the lights. But as I am sitting here at my computer and the sun is stating to set, the room is getting darker, I’m starting to regret not having made it to the little knick-knacks and hardware store before it closed (around 7:30pm…when it was still light out, so I hadn’t so much been minding the burned out desk lamp, at that point).

I look at the clock: 8:47pm. I realize that the grocery store would probably have light bulbs, too! (That probably seems obvious to you, but here grocery stores are really all about the groceries and there are plenty of other things that you definitely CANNOT get in a grocery store…like aspirin or baking soda, which are both sold at the pharmacy, for example.) So, I grab the burned out bulb and make a mad dash out the door. At a dead sprint, I run down my three flights of stairs and the block or so down the street to the store. The time is 8:50pm. And….the door is locked.

So now, I'm standing on the other side of the glass, begging the security guard to let me in. Luckily I am armed with the burned out bulb! I feel like this really helps my case. I keep showing it to him and saying, “S’il vous plait! S’il vous plait! Je suis dans le noir! Qu’est-ce que je vais faire! Il n’est même pas 21h! S’il vous plait!” (Please! I’m in the dark! What am I supposed to do? Come on! It’s not even 9pm!) One of the cashiers notices me and I try to appeal to her as well, but she just rolls her too-much-eye-make-up-eyes and says, “Non.”

I turn back to the security guard, show him the bulb and make little sad pathetic faces and clasp my hands together, begging.

A couple who just finished paying for their groceries (oh yeah, there are still other customers in the store and the cash registers are still on) is standing by the security guard on the other side of the glass from me and they start saying, “Oh! Come on! It just takes a second to buy a light bulb! What is she supposed to do? Come on!” And I’m saying “Please! Please!” and showing him the light bulb and pointing in vain at the sign on the door that says “Open until 9pm” in bright green.

The security guard looks a little uncomfortable. He starts saying, “I’m just doing my job. I mean, I am supposed to keep people out.”

Finally he has to open the door to let the couple out and now there is no glass between us and we’re staring at each other and I again say “Please!” and hold up my light bulb. Then I say, “Oh! This is really mean!!” The security guard looks hurt, “I’m not mean! I’m…uh…well! I’m just…” The couple leaves and he doesn’t close the door. He just stands there and says, "Well it’s my job, but if I were you I would just…do something when nobody was looking.” So he’s not exactly inviting me in, but I figure I’m in the clear. I dive into the store, grab a pair of fresh 100w twist-in* bulbs and dive for the register before the eye-shadowy one comes back. The cashier scans them, asks me for 3.37 and I am extremely grateful to see that I have a 5euro note in my wallet and that I am not going to have to ask if I can charge it. Whew!

I run home, make it back up stairs, screw in the bulb and am enjoying the bright and happy glow of my desk lamp all before 9pm… but don’t think it came easy!

*You may be saying to yourself, “Tina, if you had a few spare bulbs around, none of this would have happened.” As a matter of fact, I do have two spare 100w bulbs in the closet, but both are snap-in bulbs and the desk lamp requires a twist-in bulb. That’s right. There are two different kinds of light bulbs…ones that snap and ones that twist, and each fixture can only accept one or the other. Because one universal style would be just too easy!